How to Use Erotica to Deepen And Enhance Your Relationship Part II
Erotica is all about enjoying the senses and using them to make the sexual act one of sublime connection, rather than simply a sexual release.
So start with your senses – sight, for example.
Look at your partner with love and pleasure. Enjoy the sight of your lover’s body, with all its battle scars and imperfections. Trace the lines of that body with your eyes, leave no nook or cranny unexamined. And allow your partner to likewise gaze upon your body. Shame, judgement, criticism, etc., have NO place in this ritual. If ever you need to shuck off self-judgement or loathing of your own body, and/or judgement of your partner’s body, THIS is the time to do it.
Instead, see beauty where others might see ugliness. Experience tenderness and compassion where formerly you might have felt disgust or shame. See the body as it really is – an amazing, miraculous, incredible vehicle that serves our inner selves — our immortal soul — on our journey in this lifetime of pain and pleasure.
Next explore the sense of sound.
Whisper gently in your partner’s ears what it is you most love about him or her. Or tell your beloved a secret that you never shared with anyone else. Tell her what most turns you on about her. Tell him what it is about him that really makes you juicy! If either of you is already feeling desire, let your moans and groans of ecstasy bubble up. Let your partner know that what s/he is doing to you is so exciting. Or, you can read out loud to your lover, from a book of erotic poems, or from some erotic literature. My own personal favorites are anything written by Anais Nin1, or the anthology of erotic literature from the Victorian Age, called The Pearl.2 Or better yet, write your OWN poem or story and read that out loud. I have a habit of writing erotic poetry for each new lover I have taken. (If you’d like to read my erotic poetry, contact me, I’ll send you a word document via e-mail.)
Use your sense of smell to heighten your arousal.
Anoint your beloved with a drop or two of some essential oil that you know s/he likes, or that makes you feel sexy and desirable. Sniff each other’s bodies – don’t be afraid or grossed out to do this. Most Americans are way too uncomfortable with our natural body smells, and we go to great lengths to mask and hide what is naturally exciting. Allow your and your partner’s natural, healthy, clean body smells to rise to the surface and activate your sexual desire through the subtle pheromones.3 I once had a lover who had a very strong body odor which at first I fond off-putting. But I noticed that as I became more turned on by him, that smell became SO AROUSING that it heightened my enjoyment. Post-coitus, I’d lie in his arms, allowing my long hair to pick up the scent from his underarms. Later that day, I’d let my hair fall forward, framing my face, so I could sniff my lover’s special scent, and feel aroused all over again!
Employ your sense of taste by feeding each other.
Small fruits like strawberries, cherries, berries, etc. are good. Or, cut fruit is also nice – as long as you just recently cut them so they don’t turn brown. Of course, CHOCOLATE is always a good choice if you and your lover enjoy chocolate. This is NOT the time to worry about calories, cholesterol, or any other such nonsense! Give each other little sips of some lovely beverage. One of my lovers always provided champagne! But you can use any kind of wine, or tea, or juice, or anything that you and your partner enjoy. While tasting of your foods and drinks, savor the flavor. Roll it around on your tongue. Be deliberate. Take your time experiencing how the item feels on your tongue, how it feels to bite it. Swallow slowly and feel it as it goes down your esophagus. You can eat off of each other’s bodies as well. That’s always wonderful. (Be sure you have “stain-proofed” your bed with towels first, so you and your partner aren’t distracted by the possibility of a laundry disaster!)
And last, but by no means least, employ your sense of touch.
I left this for last, because we already think we know all about touch. Many people in our culture are starved for touch, and the only way we know how to get touch is through sex. But I am challenging you to approach the sense of touch differently now. Don’t go for the erogenous zones you already know about. And remember, we are avoiding the genitals for now. (Yes, still!) Perhaps this is a nice time to give a bit of a massage using some lovely massage creams or oils. Don’t worry if you’re not a professional masseuse or masseur. Go with your loving instincts, and watch your partner’s body language and listen for sounds of approval. Be sure to explore delicate and tender parts with a very light touch. Use firmer pressure on back, shoulders, etc. Helping your partner relax is a great way to get them in the mood for more activity later.
Create brand new erotic zones. The inside of the wrists and elbows are exquisite places to explore with your tongue, with little puffs of breath, with a bit of silk or satin. What is your partner’s reaction when you lightly touch or breathe on the back of his neck by the hairline? Touch her lightly at the base of the spine – maybe with a feather! One of my favorite parts is the mons just above the pubic bone and below the navel. Make little circles with your hand there, gently increasing your pressure, noting the feedback your lover gives you with his or her moans of pleasure. Dance a piece of silk or satin or a feather over your lover’s nipples, or along the inside of the thighs. Oh yes! Be creative with your touch, and when it is your turn to receive, pay attention to the areas your partner is caressing. Really feel that part of your body. Imagine that there is a nerve that goes straight from that part to your genitals. Resist all temptation to touch your or your lover’s genitals, but feel how the arousal is building.
When you both have taken deliberate and exquisite time to explore each other with all the five senses, check in with each other. Does your partner want more of something before engaging in coitus? Do you? When you finally come to sexual intercourse, it should be by consent, and you both should be so ripe and juicy that the fruit is about to explode! But … don’t go for a quick ending – however happy it may be! Move with each other. Go back to looking into each other’s eyes, if you are facing each other. Don’t drop back into old habits of closing your eyes and conjuring up a fantasy scenario. Those are fine for self-love sessions. But you’re with your beloved now. You have a living, breathing, consenting partner with you – so enjoy all the facets of the experience that s/he brings to this conjunction! Be playful. Try a new position. Use a toy you haven’t played with before, if that is appropriate. Murmur words of love and encouragement. Make this connection so special, as if it were the LAST time you were EVER going to make love again in this world!
That, my dear friends, is Erotica as I experience it. Enjoy!
Christine L. Wines, Dakini
619-701-7264
hhpwines@aol.comThis e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chakras
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pearl_%28magazine%29
3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pheromones
This was originally published on: http://getoutandlive.me/interesting-stuff/christy-wines-tantra-practitioner